Why Your Team Sucks 2.Tampa Bay Buccaneers.Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.Read all the previews so far here.Your team Tampa Bay Bucs.Your 2. 01. 6 record 9 7.In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game.Derek Carr hung 5.Raiders committed 2.QeTzeeO9gphOxpHMXndw66WvR.jpg' alt='Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' title='Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' />The Rams hung 3.This is a rough estimate, but 9.Tavon Austins total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs.But please keep telling me that this is an up and coming defense.This team still starts Chris Conte.Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' title='Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' />During real games, no less Your coach Dirk Koetter.Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks But Ive been doing it for 3.I dont think Im going to forget how.Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below.So its not that youve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with.By the way, the Bucs were this seasons designated Hard Knocks victim.Lets see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS weve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods.Christ. Honestly, its like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year.Your quarterback Congratulations, Jameis Winston Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you.What a hardship it must have been.For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a leader who absorbs the playbook like a sponge and routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameiss uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, its like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun.By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this seasons Hard Knocks.Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the.XfbO9S90OYlslrjtgldTcl.jpg' alt='Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' title='Blessed Stranger After Flight 111 Download Skype' />If you are a teacher searching for educational material, please visit PBS LearningMedia for a wide range of free digital resources spanning preschool through 12th grade.Here he is killing a cockroach while its mating Technically, thats ALSO sexual assault.And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine or mature fellow in the world.Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle.Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag.Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5.Thats right. Its Harvard Man, in the fleshI could be dead in the ground 5.I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever.This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster.I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse.Oh, nothing coach.Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place FARTS Whats new that sucks AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER.Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick FolkPriceless.Thats what you get for FSU ifying half the roster.No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust.This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard.They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom.GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.Im owning up to it by releasing him.It was a bold move and it didnt work out.I dont know what else to say.Bold isnt the word Id use there, amigo.Elsewhere on the roster, De.Sean Jackson is hereOn paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football.But, as someone who has watched De.Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately.Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony.Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests.Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the teams ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahans playsheet should have been inducted way before him.One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five figure club tab.What has always sucked Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa.You played yourself, lady.Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon.She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there.I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this sites former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa.Tampa is the Arizona of Florida.Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area.The Bucs stadium isnt even the most popular building on its block that honor goes to Mons Venus.Theres a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters.Thats 1. 00 percent Tampa right there.Im surprised they dont blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long.I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once.Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi.Tampa is the worst.Its the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit.Nazis are everywhere.Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasnt been taken down.A local middle school tried to sell kids a 1.The Scientologists are the most normal people there.Fuck Tampa eternally.VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER.What might not suck Theyre good enough on offense to score 4.Did you know HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS Matthew Robert Aguayo.Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo.Anton There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist.Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead.Alex Fuck Josh Freeman.Joseph In two season Jameis will be the Bucs alltime leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde.Jeb Lund The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, I get why thisteam blows.But Im starting to think thats misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac.Its a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all.Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely.Its not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but its not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation.Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what youd expect.Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die hard, underserved suckers Yes.Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners No.A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else.Dirk Koetter seems like every other NFL coach without a defining malignancy or singular giftdestined to answer the future announcer trivia question, What coach last led the Bucs to the postseason with, They lost in the Wild Card to AtlantaDallasGreen Bayetc.Hes Steve Mariucci with the chance to become Dennis Green.James Winston has a future of game killing frozen rope interceptions gifted to marginally better teams in that same Wild Card round, punctuating a career of inept local commercials, canned answers and occasional bursts of narcissistic self exculpation and pity.How to Handle a Flirty Professor.Youve got problems, Ive got advice.This advice isnt sugar coatedin fact, its sugar free, and may even be a little bitter.Welcome to Tough Love.Youve got problems, Ive got advice.This advice isnt sugar coatedin fact, its sugar free, andRead more Read.This week we have a college student who is wondering if her professor is flirting with herand she doesnt like it.Keep in mind, Im not a therapist or any other kind of health professionaljust a guy whos willing to tell it like it is.I simply want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn lives.If for whatever reason you dont like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here.Now then, lets get on with it.Im in college. My professor never really bothered me before, but now Im starting to question him.I changed my hair to red one day and he complimented how nice it was even though I hated it.I have never seen him comment on anyone elses appearance.A few days later I dressed up pretty fashionable and changed my hair back to black cause I was going out that night with my boyfriend and he said, Wow another look, Nice I brushed it off.Then, another time in class, I was talking to my friend and asked her to call me by my nickname.He overheard, asking me why I didnt ask him to do that.I just told him I found no reason to, but ever since then he calls me by my nickname anyway.He also gave us a quiz and one of the questions asked what we thought he could do to make the class better.I said one day out the week for tutoring would be nice.Heres where things get a little weird.When he handed back our quizzes, he made sure to let me know I was the only one he responded back to on the quiz.When I read his little response it said, Okay, lets try to do that, my nickname.Its a pleasure having you in class.Is he flirting Sincerely,Not Hot for Teacher.Hey Not Hot for Teacher Heres the deal if you think hes flirting, hes flirting.So, if youre getting that creeper vibe, thats enough to say he is.I think hes flirting and I cant even see his body language or anything.He calls you by your nickname when you didnt ask him to, he takes care to notice your appearanceand keep track of itand he makes comments on said appearence, directly to your face.Plus, the weird note on your quiz.Thats a little inappropriate there, Professor Horndog.But heres the nail in the coffin hes not doing these things to anyone else or so you say.I mean, if he was, it would still be inappropriate, but its obvious hes shown a specific interest in you, lady.And it sounds like youre not interested in his version of extra credit.So, the real question is what do you do about it For one, I wouldnt attend his romantic solo tutoring session created specifically for you.If hes saying those things in front of people imagine what he might sayor dowhen its just you two in a room alone.Ew. He may not actually be a total creep, but youre probably better off getting tutoring from a classmate if he makes you uncomfortable.Think about ityou wont be able to focus and learn when youre on your guard the whole time.Beyond that, you have two options. Broken Hearted Stevie B Downloads more. The first, which isnt ideal, is to ignore him until this class is over.If you wont see him again after this semester, just keep your head down, do your classwork, and move on.But if hes an adviser or a regular professor of yours, thats not really an option.And I think youre better off doing something about it, so.The second option, Not Hot for Teacher, is to tell him that what hes doing makes you uncomfortable.Dont make a display out of it.Do it in private during office hours and say, Mr.Horndog but actually use his name, it makes me uncomfortable when you use my nickname and make comments about my appearance.Id appreciate it if youd stop.Now, hell probably get defensive and say that he didnt mean anything by what he said, but it doesnt matter what he meant.Say, Its fine, you dont have to explain.Id just like you to stop.Thanks. Remember, youre not debating his intentions with him, youre telling him how you feel about it, and as your teacher he needs to respect thatperiod.He may not be aware that hes making uncomfortable.While you feel a little harassed, he may think youre cool with it in his creeper brain.Until you say something, hell probably continue.Whatever you choose to do, keep a record of everything he says to you, and when.If you choose to ask him to stop, keep a record of that as well.That way youll have plenty of evidence in case this situation escalates and it needs to be taken to a higher power.You never know. You might dress well, have a cool job, and be blessed with beauty, but flirting is where the realRead more Read.Thats it for this week, but I still have plenty of blunt, honest advice bottled up inside.Tell me, whats troubling you Is work getting you down Are you having problems with a friend or a coworker Is your love life going through a rough patch Do you just feel lost in life, like you have no direction Tell me, and maybe I can help.I probably wont make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but sometimes what you need is some tough love.Ask away in the comments below, or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page please include ADVICE in the subject line.Or tweet at me with Tough.Love Also, DO NOT EMAIL ME IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR REQUEST FEATURED.I do not have time to respond to everyone just for funsies.Til next time, figure things out for yourself.
|
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |